Tenderloin by Joy Sorman

Author:Joy Sorman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Restless Books

Culotte starts pissing noisily, the stream of urine splatters on Pim and interrupts his musings. He’s on his hands and knees in the straw, still beneath the animal who with a silent, restrained kick gets rid of the intruder. Pim rolls onto his side, stands up, then the cow turns her head toward the butcher and watches him. Charcoal eyes, deep circles beneath, and eyelashes long as feathers.

Pim’s never looked a cow in the eyes. He only knows the closed, pallid eyelids of a calf’s head, its pupils frozen. He only knows cows in herds. You’ll often spot them when driving down a country road. Grazing in a field, they turn toward you with their heavy heads and don’t look away until you’ve vanished beyond the horizon. They always wait until you exit their field of vision before resuming the course of their ruminating lives.

Pim steps to the side, Culotte’s eyes follow the movement, her massive, gleaming pupils fixed on Pim’s like poisoned darts.

The breeder said it, you need to take the time to watch the animals, observe them, to learn of course but also for the pleasure, and the strangeness.

But this morning in the stable Pim’s not watching the cow, it’s the opposite. He’s being watched, she has the upper hand, she’s taken the power, and the motionless creature doesn’t relent, she doesn’t blink. Pim pivots slowly so he’s opposite the cow, his back to the trough; now they’re face to face. Intimidated and confused, he looks down then back up hoping the animal’s moved on to something else, that she’s found a new obsession, a new target, but their eyes meet again and it’s a mix of surprise and unease.

You’ve got the one-up girl, you know I’m new here, you wanna test me is that it? Culotte remains silent, her nostrils quiver from the sustained effort of breathing, but nothing else moves. Tiny fluffy clouds float out of her gleaming muzzle; Pim matches the rhythm of his breathing to hers. If this is a duel Pim’s victory is far from certain.

He closes his eyes, inhales, and focuses; he clenches his fists, sets his jaw, he becomes the sorcerer, the shaman, summons the animal spirits, he digs deep and imagines himself a cow. He mobilizes their shared DNA, his stomach curves and swells, his nose grows moist and puffy, his face flattens, his skin grows a short-haired coat, horns emerge, piercing through the skin on his forehead, his ears enlarge, Pim falls to all fours. The metamorphosis only lasts a moment and Pim regains human form when he reopens his eyes, the enigma of the cow still unsolved, as his epiphany fades.

The duel resumes, Pim tenses, his limbs stiff, but he doesn’t dare move again. Culotte, inscrutable, maintains the pressure of her bottomless gaze. Hypotheses are whirling inside Pim’s head, a thousand questions heating up his temples, while Culotte reads his mind. Culotte knows everything, sees everything. Cows have panoramic vision, or almost. Nothing gets by them, they know the earth is round, and you can’t surprise them, they’ll see you coming.

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